A Ranging Mind and a Loss for Words

I'm sorry, lately I have had lots of free time but never have I made a sensible good number of posts. The spaces and the repetitive rituals of the days seem to murmur sooooo many things. The windows are open and my thoughts simple just rush to and fro the sills leading me towards oblivion.

Seriously, I should entertain more positive thoughts and bright hopes but nature pulls me back to my pessimism. They taste so crunchy in my brain that I love to munch through the negative "what ifs and nots"

There was a time when worry did not use to kill me. But now, heavens knows how to stop them from getting overboard.

I'm at loss for words on trying to grasp the entire ordeal my mind wages day by day. I want to write about them but the specific word do not come. I want to take note of them but my hands are shaky and my thoughts have already reach a height were my hands cannot catch up.

It's a pity having to go through this again and again. Time and time again the cycle repeats........ "and the pattern never alters, until the rat dies.

Ch- Ch- Changes

It's high time for change, but change refuses to give itself freely to me. There are battles I have to win every now and then just to see me do something different. Perhaps, that's why many people dream of change and yet remain the same.

What is a promise to oneself: never to commit to an act that shouldn't be and yet fall off the chair, dwindling down to taste the sweet flavor of its temptation?

What is a resolve that gets defeated barely halfway to the battlefield?

What is a "YES" when just before leaving one entertains doubt?